(Day 13) Goals

Wow, okay so this one... this one right here?



I don't know, it could be so many things, or really so few as to only be one thing. And considering the quality of my posts thus far, just posting one thing would appear to be just another cop out.

So I'm not going to do that, I'm really going to try here.


Goals....

1. Complete a novel. This isn't some pretentious endeavor to vomit my thoughts on a page (That's what this blog is for. Just kidding.) I am not trying to gain accolades or have my words be treated like gospel. I don't want to publish the next Harry  Potter, I don't want to do interviews on late night shows, an I don't want perfect monochrome pictures of me smiling with some naturescape backdrop plastered all over the back of my books. My intent, is only to teach some sense of morality. Have people question the state of things and connect to the greater unconscious. I want people to choose love over fear, and writing is my medium for that.


2. Establish and maintain a healthy lifestyle. This of course includes dropping alot of the weight I've packed on over time. I mean sure, I'd like to look good, but I want to feel good too. I have a growing baby and I am definitely going to need the energy to chase her around. And also, how will I raise a child to eat and live healthy if I don't know how to myself. It's more a matter of self discipline I suppose. Which leads me to the next goal...


3. Defeat procrastination. Once and for all. This has been the bane of my existence, the reason for all my suffering. And it has thrived because it has always been self inflicted. I must transcend it, or shut the fuck up forever, because I'll forfeit my right to opinion, complaint, or my right to give advice to even another soul. It's time to do what I was sent to this world to do or forever hold my peace.


4. Successfully raise a healthy, socially aware, intelligent young woman. Alex you're my only hope. This one needs no explanation.

5. Naturally grow my hair to mid back. Oh my god it would just be so awesome to get my hair that long again naturally... When I Was a little girl, before I had gotten a perm, my hair was nearly to my waist... I want it to get that way again so badly!

Okay, that's pretty much it then... It's been a really long day and I'm pretty drained.. I would write more otherwise.

Good night everyone.

(Day 12) Something you don't leave the house without

My cell phone


Don't get me wrong, social butterfly I am not. I hardly get calls, just the odd text here and there from a few of my  close friends and loved ones, but that's not why I always carry it with me...

Real reason?

I always want to be sure I have my phone just in case, if I am out walking for example, if I was to somehow get mugged, stalked by some shadowy predator, or utterly destroyed by a drunk driver in a Pick up Truck, hopefully I will have enough energy left in my body to maneuver my broken mangled digits to at least coax one more twitter post before I shuffle off this mortal coil.


Kidding...

Only about the twitter post thing though, I don't even have a twitter account as of right now.

But seriously it's just in case of some emergency. I'd rather have it and not need it rather than need it and not have it.

The Realization Dawns

So something just hit me like a kick to the temple, and I am compelled to write about it here.

I'm a writer.

no seriously... I. Am. A writer.

It is my passion, my talent, my gift to share with others...

I have a love for words and how, when arranged in just such a way, they can inspire the greatest of ideas into the collective consciousness of the whole. I have a deep respect for that. I am also aware that words in and of themselves are cheap when used without a conscience and with ill intent. No evil is more powerful than a greater act of love.

But hold on there...

Despite my obvious infatuation with the idea of bringing about awareness in this world with my writing, I also realize something else very important.

I haven't been doing any real writing.

Not in a long time.

I haven't committed myself to sitting before a screen and keyboard, in dim lighting, with nothing more that my rampant ideas and meditation music.

Been a long time since I've done that

Here's the big realization though...

Like a slap to the back of your neck right after you stepped out of the shower

(Fucking Ouch?)

I am less than half way into this Blog 30 day writing challenge.

And I am almost certain, that if I were to take all that I've written here, copied and pasted it into a word processor, I'd probably have more than enough for a good chapter and a half. which is more that I've written for that novel I've been working on for my whole life.

Yep...

I keep making it out like some sort of great task, like every time I sit down to write, I have to complete a chapter or bust.

But it's not like that at all.

I think I've found where I've been going wrong, I just got to chip away at it in tiny little parts, no matter how insignificant they may seem to me, every day just keep chipping away, until one day I look at the work and find, holy shit, I've got 300 pages here.... how'd that happen?

Everyone's got their own system of doing things, I think I may have incidentally stumbled upon mine.

and it's really all thanks to this new blogging experience I've submitted myself to.

Wow...

Awesome...

No seriously It is awesome.

(Day 11) Your favorite quote

Here it is...


"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."


           -- Bill Hicks-- 1961-1994


I hope whoever reads this rally takes the time to let it sink in... and even look up old Bill.

(Day 10) Something you are afraid of

The thought of waking up one morning and realizing that I have squandered all of my natural born talents. Having never fulfilled my expectations for myself, or having never taught another human being anything worth while, to bring about more awareness in this world. I want, more than anything to teach others that in life, there are only two choices, Love, or Fear.

My greatest demon is procrastination, and it is indeed my fear that this demon will topple me and crush my efforts to show others they should choose love every time, for all time. I am a writer, a story teller, and a teacher, these are my passions but I've always taken the position of student , and his behind this guise for so very long. I think my true face is beginning to show. People are starting to catch on that I'm not nearly as oblivious as I let on. It is fear of responsibility that keeps me from grabbing hold of the destiny I so clearly see before me.

It is my worst nightmare to realize one day, that my time is up and I have wasted away my time with idle distractions and poor shallow excuses. My starting this blog is a tool to combat my demon, or at the very least transcend it. Procrastination is but a small part of my being, I am larger than life. It's time to be that person finally.

Lookie at what I did today!

I, in a sudden burst of inspiration/insanity have posted my very first youtube video!


yaaaay! Listen to the crowds go wild!

It isn't anything special. No. not by a long shot. But I must admit to a feeling of elation and utter relief at having posted this video. So watch me in all my awkward, stammering glory right here!

Yes I know I can't dance for shit. The point is, soon I'll at least look good while dancing so damn bad.

We are more than just consumers.

Recently I've found myself thoroughly disgusted, and all together through with the vapid consumerism that seems to plague our society as a whole. Whether it be the overly manipulative commercials that uses catchy tunes, flashy colors, or your favorite celebrity to get into your head and convince you to buy things you absolutely do not need; or if it's a Saturday afternoon and you're desperately trying to merge onto the beltline exit but find it almost impossible because there's a line of cars trying to enter the mall thus blocking up the entrance ramp.

I'm sick of it, but I haven't elevated myself to the point of actively doing something about it yet. At least nothing so brilliant and light-hearted as this...

Maybe it isn't necessary to walk around with picket signs or even make angry blog posts. Maybe it's just a matter of carrying a megaphone, a message and a smile, and just appealing to the better nature of other people. Just making them aware of their actions is where it needs to begin. Sure about 95% of them will just carry on with their shopping trip... But even if you only effect that minuscule 5%, that's something isn't it?

(Day 9) A favorite picture of your best friend.

I can't believe how perfect this post is for today. Because just as it so happens to be a post about my best friend., it also just so happens to be my best friend's birthday. But you know what? I'm gonna cheat here and post more than one picture, because I'm a boss like that.

And heeeeeeeeeer's ADEM!

Looking sharp my man! Here he is pimping what looks to be a mighty fine set of duds.

Here's the whole outfit for the full effect. OH MY GOD THOSE VAMP TEETH ARE SICK! haha!

And here's a picture of Adem looking all Leeeetle. This was back in the days here. So many memories.


Happy B-day buddy.

(Day 8) A place you've traveled to and where else you want to travel.

*Sighs* Oh man I almost didn't make this post. My lap top seems to have committed suicide...

But I have jumped on another one just in time.

I have to be quick with this one (So what else is new) but as it turns out I really don't have much to say about this one anyway.



I was born and raised in New York. As it stands today... the furthest I've ever been from New York is the State of Florida... family trip to Disney World. Which, admittedly is more than others can say. Yet far less than many others. I have yet to make it off the eastern seaboard of the U.S. but I'm cool with that.


Place I'd like to go? Pssh... Several.

 Japan
Australia
 Say it with me now! European Tour! HELL YEAH!

I gotta get going this laptop feels incredibly awkward to me.
*sigh*

(Day 7) What makes you happy?

Very simple...

This smile those eyes, that laugh those chunky little thighs.

Before she came into my life there was certainly happiness. My family, and other dear ones to me. Now that she's here I've known happiness bordering on insanity. 

Kind of have a headache right now guys, and maybe this post is yet another cop out of a post. But it is no less true. 

My best friend is a nine month old... go figure.

(Day 6) Pet Peeves

Quick and to the point this one, Without any further ado, I give you my Pet Peeves




1. Disconnected Drones: Those kind of people that can go to a retail store, or go out to a restaurant, be sat at a table, order a meal, find what they need, finish their transaction, and never once look the cashier, sales associate, hostess, waiter, in the eye. They're just totally absorbed in their own monotony, or self importance, that they're not even aware that they come off as disengaged drones. Your whole day is full of activity that is entirely soulless. How is it in such a world that is so very populated but so many people feel completely alone? That is how. Stop auto-piloting, stop drifting through life and use every chance you get to interact with another human being as a valuable exercise of the soul. That's what we all were put here for. To connect and learn from one another.

2. Slow Drivers: Call it the New Yorker in me, and actually I'm sort of disappointed in myself for this one because I try to be more patient every day but... well come on! Ever since I moved to North Carolina, I've been stricken with this new found road rage at red lights... no, correction, green lights. For some reason, it seems like drivers in this state take like a three to five second pause to pick their nose or something once he light has already turned green before they friggen GO! I admittedly feel silly for wanting to devour their souls for this, but obviously it does bother me. So it's a guilty pet peeve, but none the less a potent one.

3. Rude Children: Are you kidding me? No, no, a thousand times no! When I see a child in public just outright disrespect their parents (usually their mother) calling them ugly, stupid, or just raging like some escaped banshee from the depths of hell. I just want to sweep on in there pull the parent to the side and say "Give me five minutes with him." Nothing boils my innards more than a screeching little snot nosed tyrant that no one will do anything about. Is it the child abuse laws or something? Because, personally I think that's bullshit. An unruly child needs to be popped on the butt every now and again to balance out the anarchy. This is my personal opinion. However it is also my opinion that the imbalance has to take hold first. And that imbalance can only arise in the face of parental failure somewhere along the line. There's nothing your child shouldn't understand from just talking it out with them. Give them some credit, they're smarter than us all. they need only to show out in some way once for you to put them right back in line accordingly. Demand respect, and earn it simultaneously by realizing this kid isn't just a kid, but a human being first, a potential adult, an unfinished project waiting to be molded into something beautiful. Whoa... okay I'm done there, who the hell am I lecturing anyway? lol

4. Unreasonably Rude People: I really don't think I have to elaborate on this one, There's just no reason to be an asshole to someone. If you're having a bad day, it's time to just isolate yourself from others and not spread the wealth. Seriously.

Um there's nothing else I can think of at the very moment, though I know there's more. You know, I'm actually thinking that once this 30 day challenge is over. Sometime down the line I'll rewrite it again, as I feel like most of these posts have just been plowed through for the sake of meeting deadlines and such. So yeah! gotta go now. Ciao!

(Day 5) What song Inspires you?

Going to admit, right here and now, that this post... THIS post right here?


Total cop-out. I didn't put any real thought into it... almost like absolutely none...

But I don't want to mess up this challenge.

I've been really busy today and I didn't even know what today's subject was supposed to be.

So, anyway, I didn't really sit and truly think about it, however I am not in anyway shitting on what song I have chosen, it's just that it feels like such an easy go to song if somebody was to ask me what song inspires me.

And you know what? I don't even know if it's the song in particular that really inspires me or the idea behind the words that are so beautifully portrayed in the video. Would I still feel the same way about the song without  the video's aid? I don't know, but dude... I just woke up, I'm drowsy, kind of grumpy, barely able to string these words together right now, so ... yeah...


The song in question here is "Everyday" By Dave Matthew's Band.

And here's the lovely Video...

Wasn't that just beautiful? We need to do alot more of that kinda thing... seriously if a single smile can change someone's entire day (and trust me, it can) imagine what a hug would do for them.

Oh yes, and as a side note, or rather you can consider it an addendum to last night's post... Not only do I feel I did my own mother a disservice in some way by not being able to think of enough wonderful things to say about her... I also should just say here that I DO love my father, He's not a bad person. Irresponsible? absolutely, he's made some stupid decisions in his life for sure, but mostly to his detriment than to mine. But that's all I'm going to say on that matter. The real person I have done a great disservice to is none other than my REAL father...

My step-father, who has been with me and my family since I was about twelve, maybe even younger than that. He's quiet, passive, very sweet, and almost too kind. He's an awesome Trekkie dude that stops at the level before ya get into the creepy convention dweebs. Although I'm almost positive he used to go in his day too, I mean those really creepy ones that haunt every Star Trek affair in the history of man kind and line their walls with collectibles like wall paper. Yeah, he's just totally not that guy. But he totally is my father. And although I never call him dad, or father, because those words and the idea behind them have forever been tainted to me, and always feel twisted and awkward on my tongue, he is always the one I'll see as my true dad.

Alright everybody, I hope you all have a good night, and please keep learning.

Love ya!

(Day 4) Your Parents

wow me and fat butt actually fell asleep together for a couple of hours. Something woke me up, probably a noise or the like (this is a loud house.) Anyway I was about to just roll over and fall back to sleep when...

HOLY SHITTY BUTTPLUGS BATMAN! I HAVEN'T MADE A BLOG POST YET!!!


And this thought was enough to make me bolt up and jump on the computer like someone had stuck a hot poker to my ass!

I had contemplated just typing up some quick thing with one hand, because I really was tired, and my daughter was all snuggly on top of me and the pillows were hugging me, and .... and...

doesn't matter though, because the main thing that made me sit upright with this strange sense of urgency was the fact that this post is a rather important one. It is for that very reason that I actually put off writing it all day, because I was either nervous, or... you know nervous isn't the exact right word I'm looking for... Actually I knew this post would possibly emotionally drain me in some ways, good and bad... No, all good, all emotions are neutral, be it happiness or anger, it is our reactions to these emotions that sheds a negative or positive light on them. I understand that the way I'm sort of rambling right now may lead you to believe I'm building up to some sort of dramatic story of a family under tremendous strains and broken ties or whatever... But let me go ahead and disappoint you early by just saying out right... That simply is not the case here.


(Day 4: Your Parents)


In fact, I would dare say that my parental situation is almost 'typical' in many respects; certainly nothing out of the ordinary. And that's just where that anger sets in I guess... Why is it so damn typical that a mother bring up a child with a father not ever around? Why is it so fucking 'run of the mill' for the father to be absent, that any time you're talking to your child's doctor, nurse, or whomever it may be, there's the slight but obvious knowing look to their expression when they ask about her father, then there is immediate and profound surprise when I tell them he's still very much in our lives?

And I find myself surprised now at how easily these words flow from me in some kind of twisted indignant anger at society at large, but mostly at my own father, because honestly, I never have told him the way I felt about it, and it's only become apparent to me in recent years that... YES! I really do feel pretty fucked up about you not being around dad! I've always said it's okay and I forgive you and love you, in those few times between jail sentences we have met. But the truth is, some, small part of me, (not the adult I am now, but the vulnerable little girl who needed you I once was) some very tiny black piece of me buried deep has floated to the surface at the thought of you when I look at my baby.

You've robbed more than just whomever you've stolen cars from or committed your petty crimes for a quick thrill. You've robbed your mother of a son, my sisters and I of a father, and my child of a grandfather. YOU did that... no one else, And some part of me that I've silenced for a long time is not okay with that, and I'm going to let her scream in rage here and now, probably because I'm just too tired of sweeping it under a rug, and lying to you about it. I've always lied about it because in some way without knowing it I felt it cruel to kick a man while he's down, it was clear you regretted not being there, and I couldn't bring myself to tell you just how shitty it's been without you... The problem is, you're always fucking down, and you being down was of your own making, you made your bed but whined when it was time to lie in it.

And yet with all this boiling anger and sudden vitriol, I still feel forgiveness and pity for you. But the Pity to forgiveness ratio has definitely tipped towards me finding you strangely sad and pitiful in many ways... Because you had a chance to be something and finally do right this last time out, and you've thrown it away. There's really nothing more I can say to you. I'm tired of being strung along, I would tell you to stop writing me but I can't even do that much to you. I'll humor you with the illusion that I'm reading them, and indulge your rare calls, and tell you I'm doing fine and I miss you, when all the while I'm squirming to just get off the phone and end this awkward exchange that is limited to the short amount of time they're allowing you.

Even though these words may seem potent in some way to you should you ever somehow find them, I want just repeat myself and just say that this anger I'm showing is just a small part of me, a very tiny dark little kernel. It only sounds so bad because she's been repressed for so long, but that's how it goes, you gotta bleed out the venom sometimes for things to heal. Funny, because upon starting this post I thought I would immediately write about mom first since for nearly my whole life she's been my universe, but I had to just go ahead and just get that out of the way. Wow, how sad, my father the other half of my existence is reduced to something I just have to get out of the way.... Like a disclaimer.


Which brings me to my universe. Which if my father is little more than a dead star floating through the cosmos, then my mother is the cosmos itself, the ever expanding universe with wonders beyond. As I've become a mother and have grown up a little, I have realized she may have her limits, I finally realized that 'wow so she is human after all.' But I have to admit, growing up I thought there was nothing she couldn't do, there was an almost inhuman quality to her life's wisdom and her heart's love. I thought, for a very long time that I actually didn't want to become a mother, because there was no way I'd ever be able to do it as well as she did.

Sometimes, not very often but every now and again, I still feel that way.

In as little words as possible I just want to say that my mother is now and always have been my champion, my hero, my first and best friend. She's said this before and I agree with her too, we've grown up together, in the most profound ways. Yes she had me at a rather young age...18, which hey by today's standards isn't so terribly young. But you know what's funny about that if unrelated. I used to (in my own morbid curiosity) look at obituaries of people, and I found to my surprise that way back in the day, people used to friggen get married at like 14! So just how far from tradition are 'the kids these days' anyway? Of course that's in no way some sort of endorsement for teenage pregnancy, i'm just stating some facts...

Anyway, can you just sense the shift in tones when talking about mom? Seriously, while I can pretty much sum up what I feel for my father in a few scraggly paragraphs, what I feel for mom, is almost too much for words. Seriously I feel like it's cheapened by words and truly offensive to her and to my soul to even try to capture everything that she is to me in this meager language that is English. The Eskimo probably have far better words for love than 'love' itself.

I guess that's why poets are so exalted when it comes to English, because they can dig deep and extract little nuggets of emotion through written word. Here's a particularly potent quote from a movie

" Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children."


And my baby just woke up! So, once again I am 'ever so blessedly' granted yet another chance to attempt being as good a mother as the one I was given. And here's to hoping I'm up to snuff.


I can't post all the storms we've weathered together here, but I love you mom! if reincarnation is real, I hope to win the lottery and land you as my mom again in the next life.

(Day 3) First Love

Aww man, I really don't like this one so much, and forgive me because I'm incredibly tired and just sort of punching my way through this post right now in the spur of the moment, because I really want to stay committed to this challenge. I feel if I don't write this thing out now, I'm gonna miss that 12AM deadline and thus ruin my life.

Dramatic I know

So... first love... dude, alright...

So the earliest crush that i can remember was back in the fifth grade. I am certain there were earlier crushes or whatever but they don't come to mind right now. Yes I am aware that first love and crush are two different things, but in this respect I actually don't have a great many 'loves' just attempts at connections... my first true love is my current and last true love... which I'm sure i'll have ample time to talk about.

Anyway! back to the fifth grade...

This is kind of embarrassing, but my hardest most potent crush was actually on my very on teacher. Mr. Cartegena. Man he was so cute, and witty, and funny, and just over all a cool motherfucker...

seriously, I went to school in the Bronx, and not the nice area either...Hmm... (are there any nice areas of the Bronx?)

This guy was just cool and collected, like a boss... and I had such love for him. He was also the only teacher I ever did well in math with... HATE MATH. But with my Mr. Cartegena, I flourished, even got some awards in math... So not only was he cute, smart and my future ex-husband, (we would have had a passionate love but our disapproving families would eventually tear us apart) But he was also a great teacher.


I love you Mr. Cartegena, and though I am thoroughly spoken for, I have not forgotten you! You're still my very first sweetheart.

Seemingly profound moment of thought interrupted

I wish I had more to give her; be it space, toys, time or love. The world is not enough for this child, at least not in its current state. is that what happens when you have a child? Do you suddenly see the world for all its flaws, and you realize just how terribly unfitting it is? And not just for your child, but for all of us. Sure some of us have it better than others, in fact I am one of those fortunate few who do. But I am not satisfied with it, because I know my good fortune comes at the cost of others. That’s what being ‘on top’ is all about isn’t it? Standing on the shoulders of others, who are incidentally standing on the shoulders of others and so on and so forth.

I won’t be satisfied until hierarchy is a bad memory in the consciousness of the world. Things will never be good for everyone until elitism is no more, and the playing field is leveled.

The world is not yet good enough, not yet fit for us to live in, and it is of our own design.

The writer in me squealed with delight as I typed this oh so thoughtful platitude, then a big fat monster baby came and chewed on my hair, and pinched my shoulder and whined in my ear, and tugged at my shirt, and climbed at my lap and head butt me. and all around was not satisfied with her current lot in life.

Come to think of it, I don't think I'm behaving very much different than she is...

Still in a small fit of pissiness I opened up a new paint file and drew a crude representation of what my darling child was acting like...

Day 2: Nicknames

At first, I was kind of stumped as to what to put here. Then the memories slowly started to pour in. Hell even the name 'Shaye' is a nickname, but it's such a staple to me it might as well be printed on my birth certificate.

Shaye: From my internet friends all the way to my significant other... This one I wear like a second skin.

Von-Von: Both my cousin Terod calls me this and my little brother.

Boo-Boo: My mother is the only one in the entire known universe allowed to call me this, although admittedly I haven't heard it for quite some time. NO I don't miss it!.... okay maybe little.

Cherry: During that lost period of my life when I actually haunted night clubs various friends would drag me to, I became known as that girl who leaned against the wall, suckling on a bar cherry that came with (insert any fruity drink here.)

Sha-vonee: I don't know why this one seems to be the universal nickname for me no matter where I go, but for some reason it rolls off the tongue of many friends and associates like the truth. Naturally this one annoys me the most.

Sha-Vo-Nay:  I like this one, kind of a funnier version of the one above... When I used to work for Spencer's Gifts, a few of my co-workers would call me this.

Shavonnerama:  So much fun, this is what my best friend Adem used to call me. It's sort of a throwback to the time we used to work for The Pet Company... sort of rhymes with one of my favorite do breeds, weimaraner.

Suh-von: another universal nickname, this time adopted by almost all younger kids or relatives that had yet to master the proper way to pronounce my name.

My-Shon: This by the daughter of a very close friend. I think she knew how to pronounce my name, but sometimes got overly excited and 'My-Shon' would sometimes come out. Although it could also have been her thinking she owned me... which she totally does.

Sugar Bear: My boyfriend calls me this... I hated it at first... it grew on me heheh, as we both knew it eventually would.

MMmmmuh-Muh:  What my currently misbehaving nine month old sometimes call me... Seriously as I'm typing this out, I'm holding her at bay as she relentlessly attempts to pound away at the keyboard.

And I think that's about it really... at least that's all I can think of at the moment. Okay child is definitely trying to kill me now, gotta go!

Hello and Welcome to Shaye's 30 day challenge! (Day 1)

In which I, tentatively take my first steps into the strangely frightening 'Blog-o-Sphere' and I do so by sticking to this thirty day blog challenge I found while stumbling through the internet one night. My goal is to complete this challenge, unhindered, focused, no excuses! So this is kind of a public forum to force myself not to fail at something I set out to do for once. I have tons of decent ideas, legions of potential projects I've begun but I've never followed through on them. But these projects have always been private, hidden away from the scrutinizing eyes of others. And while I hold no illusions on anybody actually viewing this blog (as of yet) I still feel that if I put a piece of myself out there for anyone to see, it'll make it all the harder to not follow through on the challenge I've set for myself.


So... I'm gonna spill my guts on this here page. No fluff, no shit. We're getting to the nitty-gritty here, and I'm hoping to grow from  it in some way... or whatever... Wow I sound like the epitome of conviction don't I?

ANY-ways.... Let's kick off this thirty day challenge yes?

Totally not nervous.

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts.

Pic of me last night, minutes after stumbling upon 30 day challenge

1. Totally am nervous, especially the thought of talking about myself.


2. As you can see, I wear my hair natural, no perm, and almost no heat. chopped my hair off 5/14/2010 Look how much it's grown!


3. Total video game geek, particularly retro video games, role playing and what not. If I had the chance growing up I could definitely see myself being a dungeons and dragons nerd.


4. When I was in high school, I cut one day and took the long island rail road into Manhattan to see the 'Subway Series parade.' I was so nervous about getting caught I almost didn't enjoy myself... almost.


5. I am not a Yankees fan or a Mets fan for that matter. Baseball is a bore to watch but fun to play.


6.  Was a big tomboy growing up, Still am in many ways.


7. I have metal screws and plates in my right hip from an auto accident.


8. I laugh at dead baby jokes. 


9. Very early in pregnancy I dreamed I had a long spiritual and emotional conversation with my daughter.


10. I'm a great story-teller, as long as the story has nothing to do with me personally.


11. After a particularly trying year, on New Years day of the next, I wrote down everything bad that had happened, went in the back yard and burned it.


12. When things go really bad, I get deathly calm and neutral. But I tend to sweat the small stuff, like running out of toothpaste would just ruin my day hah!


13. I am a dreadful procrastinator... it is my greatest weakness, my demon.


14. I make my own hair products.


15. I really, really, REALLY want to change the world for the better in some measurable way before I leave it behind.



Okay! Challenge one! completed... Let's hope I stay on a roll!