with all the changes that have occurred in my life in just the past year alone, it's easy to forget that not that long ago I was an entirely different person than I am today...
For your viewing pleasure, (or pain depending on how you look at it) I would like to share with you a small remnant of the person I used to be just a little over a year ago... Mind you I WAS pregnant at that time... however that doesn't excuse me from my explosive anger issues I had at that time... The hormones only exacerbated emotions and thoughts that were already there for a long time.
This is my first OFFICIAL BLOG... however it is not my very first attempt...
you see, in may of last year after a particularly trying day at work, instead of scribbling away in the confines of a nice little spiral notebook... I decided to vomit my hatred in a public place... so here you guys have it... my one and only post in my first blog that never went anywhere and never will...
It's a bit of a lengthy read, but try to laugh at the angry person I was, I sure do.
http://retailmurderdeathkill.blogspot.com/
Wasn't that just lame? God I should have been on some form of medication or something.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Hi-Dee-Ho! Thought I was finished with ya'll eh?
Well you're sorely mistaken, for we are JUST getting started.
I have alot of things I'm lining myself up to get into. I don't call them ambitions so much as I call them, promises. So, doing the "off the grid" research thing, thinking of expanding this into a journey to be shared with everyone around. I just finished week four of my weight loss challenge, so there are some videos I have yet to post here that will soon be up.
Also got into a whole writing spree with cousin terod as well as a whole fucking screenplay suddenly pouring out of me and Robbie respectively... Yeah... I'm feeling real fired up and enthusiastic... Broke as hell financially but a spiritual billionaire... and I'm about to flex those assets like crazy. You'll see soon enough.
http://offthegridproject.ning.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/ShayeChild
I have alot of things I'm lining myself up to get into. I don't call them ambitions so much as I call them, promises. So, doing the "off the grid" research thing, thinking of expanding this into a journey to be shared with everyone around. I just finished week four of my weight loss challenge, so there are some videos I have yet to post here that will soon be up.
Also got into a whole writing spree with cousin terod as well as a whole fucking screenplay suddenly pouring out of me and Robbie respectively... Yeah... I'm feeling real fired up and enthusiastic... Broke as hell financially but a spiritual billionaire... and I'm about to flex those assets like crazy. You'll see soon enough.
http://offthegridproject.ning.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/ShayeChild
Monday, August 22, 2011
(Day 30) A picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge.
1. I graduated from IAM (Incredibly Amazing Moms) And I have been invited back as a speaker for future programs.
2. I joined a Youtube weight loss challenge
3. I have joined an off the grid community (Not physically yet... but soon)
4. I am conquering procrastination day by day
5. My baby is walking now!
2.
2. I joined a Youtube weight loss challenge
3. I have joined an off the grid community (Not physically yet... but soon)
4. I am conquering procrastination day by day
5. My baby is walking now!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
(Day 29) Who is your hero
My mom...
Call it a cop out call it easy.... but I don't think this answer would change even 20 years from now. She has always been my hero, and always will be. She has been more than human to me for so long I almost thought she was like superman. To explain why she is my hero, would be to take you step by step through every event in my life, good and bad. And, well, I really don't have time for that.
She is the source of my common sense, my perception of life and humanity, and my enabler for progression. I owe everything I am and all that is good in me to her. And if I am more evolved in ideas or anything else, it is because of her guidance and love.
I love you mom. you are my hero....
Sorry guys for missing a couple of days.... tomorrow is the last post of this thirty day challenge!
Call it a cop out call it easy.... but I don't think this answer would change even 20 years from now. She has always been my hero, and always will be. She has been more than human to me for so long I almost thought she was like superman. To explain why she is my hero, would be to take you step by step through every event in my life, good and bad. And, well, I really don't have time for that.
She is the source of my common sense, my perception of life and humanity, and my enabler for progression. I owe everything I am and all that is good in me to her. And if I am more evolved in ideas or anything else, it is because of her guidance and love.
I love you mom. you are my hero....
Sorry guys for missing a couple of days.... tomorrow is the last post of this thirty day challenge!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
(Day 28) What stresses you
Uhh...
Knowing that having this...
is totally possible today if we would allow it but instead we're stuck with this...
Want to know where I'm coming from?
Go here...
and here...
Thank you and Goodnight...
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
(Day 27) A photo of your city
To be quite honest, starting out, I was not at all enthusiastic about this post, because... Well, it's Raleigh.
Sure, I'm probably going to sound a bit like the typical Yankee-Douche by saying this but once you've lived in New York, many other cities short of Paris or London are really going to pale in comparison. (Asheville being excluded, I'll tell ya'll all why some other day)
In any case I just lazily Googled me up some happy little images of the downtown Raleigh skyline... found many generic pictures like this...
And this...
Oooh, sure haven't seen that light effect before.
Yeah, those are like, very nice... If I was trying to throw a cheap brochure together for some indifferent tourist. But, No, I'm not... and These pictures do little to define the character of Raleigh...
Because the truth of the matter is, There really isn't that much to Raleigh asside from this...
"Little Boxes on the hillside"
Yep, I'd have to say a great big chunk of what Raleigh consists of is pretty much a shit-ton of sub-divisions.
"Little boxes made of Ticky-Tacky"
But surely there's more to it than just a spit of tall buildings and eerily picturesque homes that brings to mind the pastel paradise of Edward Scissorhands.
Well....Yeah.... I guess...
I mean, there are the more notable landmarks like....
The Raleigh Museum of Science
And...
The Governor's Mansion
Which are.... nice and all, but do they really speak to the character of this little city?
No, I don't think they do...
SO, so so so...
I squinted my eyes and leaned in close to the computer screen, trying to scour the useless blerbs of stale plastic pictures to find some of those lesser known places, the little hidden gems. Something with character, and a touch of pure Raleigh Charm...
This is what I came up with...
Old Raleigh home
This one house takes 'Character' and smacks you right in the face with it. It's located downtown in, (Or at least on the outskirts) of the historical 'Old Raleigh' district.
Old Yates Mill Pond
I think I've heard of this place but I've never paid a visit. I think it could be private property. But it definitely has it's own charm right?... Shut up of course I'm right.
Raleigh Art Musem
I don't know where these are, or if they're still around, but I hope I can find them. These are super huge art sculptures made entirely by sticks. I believe the picture was taken back n 2005, so there is a strong possibility these guys aren't around anymore... which s a bummer, I'm gonna look into it.
So yeah guys what do you think? Raleigh seems like a pretty okay place huh? Yeah... so maybe nothing truly significantly awesome or unique sure... I mean what do you want in a city... Some kind of unknown alien lifefo....
Wait....
What's that?
Hang on a sec... I...
What the hell?
Oh....
oh....
OH
MY
FUCK....
Okay, so... uhh.....while I'm browsing I find this interesting little picture that looks much like someone mistakenly posted a picture from their colonoscopy...
Intrigued, I give her a little click, thinking I'll be directed to some sort of Wake Med Hospital medical journal or the like... you know...
I didn't find a medical journal...
I found this...
Raleigh Sewer Monster
Yeah and I'm not saying 'Raleigh Sewer Monster' to be facetious. That thing is... in FACT a true blue (Or, grossly visceral and flesh toned) "Sewer Monster."
Don't believe me?
Well... thought you might say that....
Good old Youtube to the rescue bitches!
Enjoy! ^_^
Mm.... just delicious looking ain't she?
Actually it's no mystery as to what this thing is... It's actually some kind of colony of sewer worms... or it could be the first sign of the Zerg invasion... *shrugs* I dunno...
But HELL YEAH
alright Raleigh! You were looking pretty light for a minute there but you pulled a nice one out your ass at the last minute... (Literally)
I do hope you all enjoyed your tour of Raleigh North Carolina. I sure did...
Vomit bags are near the exit.
Monday, August 15, 2011
(Day 26) Your Dream Wedding
Ugh...
No, just no...
I don't have it in me tonight to even begin to get into this one.
Okay
I will say this.
I have no interest in getting married....
Ever
Now, if you're talking about spending a day in celebration of two people who were once strangers coming together and finding true love and creating a family together then... I'm all about that.
But come on now, in today's modern conventional society, that is not what a marriage is all about.
ugh I swore I wouldn't get into this tonight because i'm exhausted!
okay gonna have to break it down to the bare bones
Marriage: Spectacle, Ego-Fest, Day for bride to soak up as much human and spiritual energy from her friends and loved ones as possible, local government contract?
yeah cause nothing says love like signing a legally binding contract. What? am I wrong? more on this later, I gotta come back to this. I think need to give this one the special attention it deserves. Look out for my Marriage Rant. Cause ya'll ain't ready, and I am not ready either... I'm going to bed.
No, just no...
I don't have it in me tonight to even begin to get into this one.
Okay
I will say this.
I have no interest in getting married....
Ever
Now, if you're talking about spending a day in celebration of two people who were once strangers coming together and finding true love and creating a family together then... I'm all about that.
But come on now, in today's modern conventional society, that is not what a marriage is all about.
ugh I swore I wouldn't get into this tonight because i'm exhausted!
okay gonna have to break it down to the bare bones
Marriage: Spectacle, Ego-Fest, Day for bride to soak up as much human and spiritual energy from her friends and loved ones as possible, local government contract?
yeah cause nothing says love like signing a legally binding contract. What? am I wrong? more on this later, I gotta come back to this. I think need to give this one the special attention it deserves. Look out for my Marriage Rant. Cause ya'll ain't ready, and I am not ready either... I'm going to bed.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
(Day 25) What you are looking forward to?
finishing this blog challenge...
lol among other things...
Actually I am looking forward to alot.
My daughter's first steps, talking, and all that fun stuff... and um no longer breast feeding... can't wait for that to be over and done with. Oh and I am totally looking forward to her first swear word... that's gonna be fun.
I'm looking forward to being about 30 pounds lighter and finally looking and feeling good... and not having back fat... Cause back fat, though cute on a 9 month old doesn't exactly translate well on a 27 year old.
Ummm.....
I'm looking forward to getting my own place and living under the same roof as my boyfriend... and us living as a family.
It will be good.
Looking forward to getting a job...
looking forward to the very next moment...
lol among other things...
Actually I am looking forward to alot.
My daughter's first steps, talking, and all that fun stuff... and um no longer breast feeding... can't wait for that to be over and done with. Oh and I am totally looking forward to her first swear word... that's gonna be fun.
I'm looking forward to being about 30 pounds lighter and finally looking and feeling good... and not having back fat... Cause back fat, though cute on a 9 month old doesn't exactly translate well on a 27 year old.
Ummm.....
I'm looking forward to getting my own place and living under the same roof as my boyfriend... and us living as a family.
It will be good.
Looking forward to getting a job...
looking forward to the very next moment...
Friday, August 12, 2011
(Day 24) Something you've learned
It's simple...
Responsibility.
Or, to very briefly elaborate... I have learned to own up to my shortcomings.
Anything negative in my life is almost always reflective of my perception, attitude, and reaction to the environment. I am responsible for what elements are introduced into my life. The environment and me are one and the same; our relationship, symbiotic in nature. And I'm finally learning to respect that dynamic and become more responsible about what I put out there.
If I'm not happy with the way something is, I need to own it, slap the bitch around and be a champion. Whining and complaining has never helped anything in the history of mankind. Instead of filling the space with so much bluster, I'll effect my surroundings with action... and I gotta go all the way with it. Because half assing anything won't cheat others, it will be cheating yourself.
So having said that, I've been faced with some important challenges lately and I am in the state of mind where I am not going to tolerate being despondent about these things anymore. I'm going to own them, and they are going to be put in their place. Because I AM my own champion.... and one day maybe I'll be the champion of others too if they'll have me.
Only time will tell....
No...
I will tell...
Responsibility.
Or, to very briefly elaborate... I have learned to own up to my shortcomings.
Anything negative in my life is almost always reflective of my perception, attitude, and reaction to the environment. I am responsible for what elements are introduced into my life. The environment and me are one and the same; our relationship, symbiotic in nature. And I'm finally learning to respect that dynamic and become more responsible about what I put out there.
If I'm not happy with the way something is, I need to own it, slap the bitch around and be a champion. Whining and complaining has never helped anything in the history of mankind. Instead of filling the space with so much bluster, I'll effect my surroundings with action... and I gotta go all the way with it. Because half assing anything won't cheat others, it will be cheating yourself.
So having said that, I've been faced with some important challenges lately and I am in the state of mind where I am not going to tolerate being despondent about these things anymore. I'm going to own them, and they are going to be put in their place. Because I AM my own champion.... and one day maybe I'll be the champion of others too if they'll have me.
Only time will tell....
No...
I will tell...
Thursday, August 11, 2011
(Day 23) Favorite movies, TV shows
TV? Honestly, there isn't a whole hell of a lot on TV worth a damn anymore. And I'm really not trying to sound like a crotchety old maid but seriously... What the hell is up with TV these days? not going to get into it... Lord that's a whole other post and a half in and of itself.
I suppose the very same could be said for movies to a lesser extent. All I know is it's been a long time since I left the movie theaters with my mind completely blown by the awesomeness I've just witnessed. And it's been even longer since I've been excitedly pining for a certain film to be released.
Just saying... is anything good anymore?
But I digress... here's the list kiddies!
TV: Louie (on FX)
FUNNY as all hell!
Breaking Bad (AMC)
Sons of Anarchy (FX)
American Dad (Cartoon Network and Fox... but mostly Cartoon Network.)
The Dog Whisperer (National Geographic)
Shark Week (Discovery, okay its not a show but... AWESOME!!!)
Archer (FX)
Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO)
Umm, that's pretty much it... I might drop in on the Daily Show from time to time, but not as often as I used to.
Movies
Zeitgeist: Addendum (find it online for free, and totally legal, as the makers WANT it to be freely watched. )
Zeitgeist: Moving Forward (Actually you can find them both here
Inception
The Dark Knight
The Color Purple
Hard Candy
The Hunchback of Notre-Dame
Eve's Bayou
Beloved
Memento
Follow
Um.... yeah look at my profile there's like, tons of movies I'm forgetting about in there I'm sure lol... okay gotta go.
Have a good night.
I suppose the very same could be said for movies to a lesser extent. All I know is it's been a long time since I left the movie theaters with my mind completely blown by the awesomeness I've just witnessed. And it's been even longer since I've been excitedly pining for a certain film to be released.
Just saying... is anything good anymore?
But I digress... here's the list kiddies!
TV: Louie (on FX)
FUNNY as all hell!
Breaking Bad (AMC)
Sons of Anarchy (FX)
American Dad (Cartoon Network and Fox... but mostly Cartoon Network.)
The Dog Whisperer (National Geographic)
Shark Week (Discovery, okay its not a show but... AWESOME!!!)
Archer (FX)
Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO)
Umm, that's pretty much it... I might drop in on the Daily Show from time to time, but not as often as I used to.
Movies
Zeitgeist: Addendum (find it online for free, and totally legal, as the makers WANT it to be freely watched. )
Zeitgeist: Moving Forward (Actually you can find them both here
Inception
The Dark Knight
The Color Purple
Hard Candy
The Hunchback of Notre-Dame
Eve's Bayou
Beloved
Memento
Follow
Um.... yeah look at my profile there's like, tons of movies I'm forgetting about in there I'm sure lol... okay gotta go.
Have a good night.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
(Day 22) What would you like your future to look like
In the future, my natural curls will spiral down to the middle of my back. I will be at least thirty pounds lighter and fitter than I've ever been in all my life. My daughter will be the same prodigy she is today. Able to hold her own in adult conversations and truly comprehend what is being discussed with an awareness not seen in a child her age.
Me, my daughter and her daddy will have purchased our own small plot of land, on which we will have built our earth ship with our very own hands. We will have a miniature dachshund, probably named "Grr." We will live one hundred percent off the grid and we will love every moment of it.
I will have mastered vegetable gardening and will dabble in hydroponics and aeroponics. and I will give away my harvest to friends and neighbors, and that includes the nearby wild life.
I will have at least one book published.
Robbie will play music for fun whenever he wants to.
I will encourage friends and family to try to convert to green living and help them do it.
I hope my life is headed strongly in this direction within the next five years...
thank you!
Me, my daughter and her daddy will have purchased our own small plot of land, on which we will have built our earth ship with our very own hands. We will have a miniature dachshund, probably named "Grr." We will live one hundred percent off the grid and we will love every moment of it.
I will have mastered vegetable gardening and will dabble in hydroponics and aeroponics. and I will give away my harvest to friends and neighbors, and that includes the nearby wild life.
I will have at least one book published.
Robbie will play music for fun whenever he wants to.
I will encourage friends and family to try to convert to green living and help them do it.
I hope my life is headed strongly in this direction within the next five years...
thank you!
Monday, August 8, 2011
(Day 21) Something you're proud of
Umm... Well I was proud of myself for diligently sticking to this blogging everyday...
until I looked down at the clock and realized I didn't make a post for monday and it's already past 12 am.
As a measure of active humility, I am trying to learn to live a life without things such as 'Pride' or anger or sadness... In other words, I am trying to be like the Buddha.
There is not much in my life I am too proud of, but certainly nothing that I am entirely ashamed or regretful of either.
I guess I kinda exist in that weird middle ground, where everything is kinda looked at subjectively. I'm more content with myself as I am and in the direction I am going, rather than proud of any feat I have accomplished or thing I have experienced.
What I'm trying to say is...
I am grateful for being in my own skin at this very moment. I cannot and will not feed that ego that wants me to look at myself and praise myself with biased accolades and put myself on a pedestal.
*shrugs* I dunno...
Anyway I love you all, whomever you might be... thank you for caring enough to look at this sorry little blog lol!
Good night!
until I looked down at the clock and realized I didn't make a post for monday and it's already past 12 am.
As a measure of active humility, I am trying to learn to live a life without things such as 'Pride' or anger or sadness... In other words, I am trying to be like the Buddha.
There is not much in my life I am too proud of, but certainly nothing that I am entirely ashamed or regretful of either.
I guess I kinda exist in that weird middle ground, where everything is kinda looked at subjectively. I'm more content with myself as I am and in the direction I am going, rather than proud of any feat I have accomplished or thing I have experienced.
What I'm trying to say is...
I am grateful for being in my own skin at this very moment. I cannot and will not feed that ego that wants me to look at myself and praise myself with biased accolades and put myself on a pedestal.
*shrugs* I dunno...
Anyway I love you all, whomever you might be... thank you for caring enough to look at this sorry little blog lol!
Good night!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
(Day 20) Something you wonder “What if…?” about.
What if I had never gotten into that car accident and broken my pelvis up? At the time of the accident, I had two high paying jobs, and the very next week I was about to do some "Buko" overtime at the hospital. I was young, I was fresh out of school and ready to rip the medical world a new asshole. But then CRASH SLAM, everything changed, I was out of work for a year and I never returned to work at the doctor's office, and the hospital I was working at was living on borrowed time because of budget issues. I truly wonder what if I had not lost that year? Just how much more connected I would have been? Would I have even moved to North Carolina? I don't know... it's one of those things...
What if I had listened to logic, and listened to finances, and listened to my fears when I found out I was pregnant and decided that bringing a baby into this world was just too frightening an idea to even fathom? I... would have been broken in spirit I think. But, for a while I would have been able to put on a good face. I would deny my heart for a while, and pretend that me and my boyfriend could work it out together, all the while knowing we let something sacred and good, and needed die between the two of us. And we would have drifted apart... This what if, is something that I don't contemplate often, because I don't see a life without this child... She is too good to my soul...
Um... yeah...
What if I never started this blog? I'd be sitting down, watching T.V. eating chips, and not giving a shit about my diet probably. Starting this blog has lead me on this journey of perseverance that I will always be grateful for. not just about writing, but everything... I'm trying to do everything I know is good for myself, finally. And nothing was ever holding me back but myself. I suppose this blog has been, in many ways, like a mirror held up to myself... And now that I've put myself out there like that, I can't turn away from it.
Okay! I'm out now. Wow! 20 days in and I haven't screwed up this challenge. I'm awesome... everyone LOVE ME!
What if I had listened to logic, and listened to finances, and listened to my fears when I found out I was pregnant and decided that bringing a baby into this world was just too frightening an idea to even fathom? I... would have been broken in spirit I think. But, for a while I would have been able to put on a good face. I would deny my heart for a while, and pretend that me and my boyfriend could work it out together, all the while knowing we let something sacred and good, and needed die between the two of us. And we would have drifted apart... This what if, is something that I don't contemplate often, because I don't see a life without this child... She is too good to my soul...
Um... yeah...
What if I never started this blog? I'd be sitting down, watching T.V. eating chips, and not giving a shit about my diet probably. Starting this blog has lead me on this journey of perseverance that I will always be grateful for. not just about writing, but everything... I'm trying to do everything I know is good for myself, finally. And nothing was ever holding me back but myself. I suppose this blog has been, in many ways, like a mirror held up to myself... And now that I've put myself out there like that, I can't turn away from it.
Okay! I'm out now. Wow! 20 days in and I haven't screwed up this challenge. I'm awesome... everyone LOVE ME!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
(Day 19) What you would say to an ex
...
No really that's what I would say...
"..." Or, if it's necessary to explain, I would say nothing at all, because there isn't anyone to say it to.
I haven't had any real grand romances in my lifetime... No ex that I feel bitter about or anything...
The one I'm with now was the first one, I was a virgin when I met him. And he will be the last one if things go right...
I really don't have anything to say about today's topic. It's so apart from my life's experiences that it's a total categorical misfire for me.
Sorry guys lol....
But in other news...
How about that whole country debt downgrade eh? Ain't that something? I have no idea how it's truly going to affect poor motherfuckers like me, but to those with their heads mired in the meaningless streaming numbers that makes up our economy it's apparently quite the disaster.
To this I say Oh Well...
I'm still broke over here, that ain't going to change any time soon...
Love you guys!
No really that's what I would say...
"..." Or, if it's necessary to explain, I would say nothing at all, because there isn't anyone to say it to.
I haven't had any real grand romances in my lifetime... No ex that I feel bitter about or anything...
The one I'm with now was the first one, I was a virgin when I met him. And he will be the last one if things go right...
I really don't have anything to say about today's topic. It's so apart from my life's experiences that it's a total categorical misfire for me.
Sorry guys lol....
But in other news...
How about that whole country debt downgrade eh? Ain't that something? I have no idea how it's truly going to affect poor motherfuckers like me, but to those with their heads mired in the meaningless streaming numbers that makes up our economy it's apparently quite the disaster.
To this I say Oh Well...
I'm still broke over here, that ain't going to change any time soon...
Love you guys!
Friday, August 5, 2011
(Day 18) Something you miss
So this is gonna have to be a short post because I currently have an evil squealing baby in my arms...
I don't know if I've already mentioned this or not but I am originally from NY, and as of 2007 I moved to North Carolina. While I am very happy to be here and absolutely love this state, I'd be lying if I said there weren't things about the empire state I miss...
I wish I could elaborate more on these, but my child has Satan in her right now
I miss corner convenience stores. being able to walk right to the corner of the block and pretty much get whatever you need, yeah... awesome.
I miss the subway
I miss the beach
I miss my best friend Adem
I miss people watching while sitting from any cafe in downtown Manhattan.
I don't know if I've already mentioned this or not but I am originally from NY, and as of 2007 I moved to North Carolina. While I am very happy to be here and absolutely love this state, I'd be lying if I said there weren't things about the empire state I miss...
I wish I could elaborate more on these, but my child has Satan in her right now
I miss corner convenience stores. being able to walk right to the corner of the block and pretty much get whatever you need, yeah... awesome.
I miss the subway
I miss the beach
I miss my best friend Adem
I miss people watching while sitting from any cafe in downtown Manhattan.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I did my second youtube video!
And you can tell I tried to do it big. I don't know if I succeeded, but it's definitely an improvement in quality.
wow, that's a messed up thumbnail
wow, that's a messed up thumbnail
(Day 17) Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs.
I'll have you know Mr. or Ms. Fancy McFancy-Pants that I do not own an iPod or any such device of the like.
However, you're in luck...
I happen to have an account with Pandora online radio.
So, I just set my radio stations to quick mix and this is what it churned out...
However, you're in luck...
I happen to have an account with Pandora online radio.
So, I just set my radio stations to quick mix and this is what it churned out...
- Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope. By John Williams (Uh oh, I feel a disturbance in my cool mojo, proof of utter geekiness appears very likely)
- Ohm. By Saul Williams (Phew! okay there you go, the poetic hi hop lyricist, my boy Saul standing up for me and showing I still got a touch of soul in my roll.)
- What's This? The Nightmare Before Christmas By Danny Elfman (Fuck...)
- Find the Princess, Final Fantasy IX. By Nobuo Uematsu (Double Fuck! My cool is on life support while my inner geek is dancing with glee!)
- Minas Tirith, Lord of the Rings The Return of The King. By Howard Shore (It's dead)
- Smooth Criminal (Michael Jackson) instrumental remix By David Garrett
- Equally Destructive, By Forever After (Um, this one was a new one to my playlist, and I have to say, I didn't like it much. To me it just had this forced epic sound to it. I don't know...)
- Sunrise Over the Ocean, By Tim Janis (Very easy listening, but Tim can get tiresome every now and again)
- Hearing Voices, By Special
- Lifted, By John Legend
There you have it guys, I'm a little tired to tell the truth so I'm gonna have me a little nap! See ya later!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
(Day 16) Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it.
I like how this blog challenge would follow up one post about death row meals (in which you know you'll go all out and get crazy,) with a post about your personal body image.
So here's the thing, you already know I am participating in that youtube "Shake your Money-Maker" weight loss contest. And I wouldn't be doing that if there wasn't at least a small amount of dissatisfaction with my body image.
I have never been a small girl. I developed early and was an eleven year old with a B-cup, and didn't stop growing till... like five minutes ago... or something like that.
If I had a scanner I would upload some progressive photos so you guys can get the picture.
At my very best I was a full figured curvy thing. not at all fat by any stretch of the imagination, but no super model either. (And I would never want to be.)
I was in my best shape about 3 1/2 years ago, when I was a member of curves and kept a relatively regular workout regimen of 3 times a week. It was looking good for a time, until I started working at The Home Depot, and for reasons unknown to me, I packed on the pounds, In 2 years I gained about 30 pounds
And then I got pregnant...
yeah...
But here's the fun part. I've lost all the weight gained from pregnancy. In fact I weigh a few pounds less than I did before then, the problem is, everything kind of, distributed itself differently.
I hate how my gut hangs like I'm still a few months pregnant, I am still astounded that the boobs are like twice and a half times their normal size (which were already pretty substantial to begin with) and I can't stand the arm luggage I got going on.
Now, to be fair it's not exactly terrible... I mean, I'm no Fat Albert or anything, but I am not satisfied, not pleased....
I want more energy I want to look good in a bikini and out of one...
Oh and I'm surprised I haven't mentioned this yet, but I have huge scars beginning at the top of my right hip, going down and across to the bikini region. This is from a really bad auto accident I had in which my pelvis was fractured and... blah blah blah.
Although I'm not in any way self conscious about it, I'm not happy it's there either.
so overall, I am not satisfied with my body image at this time... but I'm working on it... I have high hopes too.
So here's the thing, you already know I am participating in that youtube "Shake your Money-Maker" weight loss contest. And I wouldn't be doing that if there wasn't at least a small amount of dissatisfaction with my body image.
I have never been a small girl. I developed early and was an eleven year old with a B-cup, and didn't stop growing till... like five minutes ago... or something like that.
If I had a scanner I would upload some progressive photos so you guys can get the picture.
At my very best I was a full figured curvy thing. not at all fat by any stretch of the imagination, but no super model either. (And I would never want to be.)
I was in my best shape about 3 1/2 years ago, when I was a member of curves and kept a relatively regular workout regimen of 3 times a week. It was looking good for a time, until I started working at The Home Depot, and for reasons unknown to me, I packed on the pounds, In 2 years I gained about 30 pounds
And then I got pregnant...
yeah...
But here's the fun part. I've lost all the weight gained from pregnancy. In fact I weigh a few pounds less than I did before then, the problem is, everything kind of, distributed itself differently.
I hate how my gut hangs like I'm still a few months pregnant, I am still astounded that the boobs are like twice and a half times their normal size (which were already pretty substantial to begin with) and I can't stand the arm luggage I got going on.
Now, to be fair it's not exactly terrible... I mean, I'm no Fat Albert or anything, but I am not satisfied, not pleased....
I want more energy I want to look good in a bikini and out of one...
Oh and I'm surprised I haven't mentioned this yet, but I have huge scars beginning at the top of my right hip, going down and across to the bikini region. This is from a really bad auto accident I had in which my pelvis was fractured and... blah blah blah.
Although I'm not in any way self conscious about it, I'm not happy it's there either.
so overall, I am not satisfied with my body image at this time... but I'm working on it... I have high hopes too.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
(Day 15) Death Row Meal
I'm about to go off on this one baby!
And I don't care how much these foods SO do not match or even agree with one another. I'm about to die! Don't judge me!
Appetizers
Stuffed mushrooms filled with bread crumbs, cheese, mushroom stems, fresh parsley,onions and Macadamia nuts.
I've had something similar to this a while ago and my god...
Yum
Taquitos, guilty pleasure, where I'm not about to just have one of; but I probably shouldn't eat even a single one if I give one damn about my waistline. WELL, given that I'm about to die and all, all of you little Taquitos are getting in my belly tonight!
FINISH THEM!
Main Course(s)
So, I'm deathly allergic to shell fish. With that little tid-bit of knowledge, I would naturally have to have....
Oh and I wouldn't just stop there, I'd have to do it BIG like this guy...
Like a BOSS
If by some small chance, the Generational Slaughter of Lobster Fest doesn't do me in... I'd love to try this one on...
Beautifully arranged dish? Or DEATH on a platter?
That up there my friends is the notorious Japanese dish known as Fugu. made from the meat of the extraordinarily poisonous puffer fish. What do I care at this point? I'm dying anyway!
dessert(s)
And should I have survived my encounter with death twice over, I'd have to go and get very decadent. Mainly I just want to know what the big deal is about these...
Seriously, what's so great about it. It looks like petrified shit.
And if by some chance those truffles taste about as good as they look, (Or hell, even if they're delicious) I'm gonna go ahead and have me some...
Crepe Suzette Bitches!
I've never had it before, and would absolutely love to try. But then I'd bring it all home with my old reliable comfort dessert.
Can't go wrong with Apple Pie Ala Mode.
And that's it, as far as drinks go? Not that much of an alcoholic, so whatever they had in the cellar, worth a damn I'd take...
dessert(s)
And should I have survived my encounter with death twice over, I'd have to go and get very decadent. Mainly I just want to know what the big deal is about these...
Seriously, what's so great about it. It looks like petrified shit.
And if by some chance those truffles taste about as good as they look, (Or hell, even if they're delicious) I'm gonna go ahead and have me some...
Crepe Suzette Bitches!
I've never had it before, and would absolutely love to try. But then I'd bring it all home with my old reliable comfort dessert.
Can't go wrong with Apple Pie Ala Mode.
And that's it, as far as drinks go? Not that much of an alcoholic, so whatever they had in the cellar, worth a damn I'd take...
Monday, August 1, 2011
(Day 14) A picture of you last year – how have you changed?
Ummm.... yeah, I don't have a picture of myself from last year.
And the reason why is, well because I never liked taking pictures of myself anyway. Like... EVER.
And it's not about being self conscious or anything, in fact it's quite the opposite. I feel, (for myself, not necessarily for others) that there is nothing more conceited and self serving than taking a bunch of glamor shots of yourself to sprinkle all over the internet social media sites. For some people, pictures are a medium of self expression, others to capture a special moment, for others it's just fun, for ME though it would serve no real purpose other than puffing myself up, because I know myself as a person, and I don't use pictures in that way.
I write for those reasons and purposes... self expression, capturing a moment or emotion, and for fun. Photography, in MY hands has no artistic merit or redeeming values.
Now having said all of that... The fact that I was excruciatingly huge and pregnant last year has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with not having a picture from that time...
Oh hell okay... yeah it does...
So I am normally not a fan of pictures on a good day, could you imagine being all swollen, and angry with child? Would you want to take a picture? Naw, you'd be like, 'Get that camera out of my face before I dragon kick you in the gonads.' (Which I'm pretty sure I said to someone at least once last year.)
As far as how I have changed... god... Again, last year was such an anomaly for me, because I had never been pregnant, and I had never been more evil. My emotional irregularity at that time was so extreme that I was an entirely different person. An AWFUL person. Someone who hated the world, and would see it annihilated by an asteroid or zombie apocalypse and would have sat atop the pile of smoldering rubble with a chocolate bar and a smile.
So how have I changed? I'm totally not that person anymore. I've reverted back to my former, sane self. Before I got pregnant, I used to meditate; and while I haven't gotten back into doing that, I am certainly more meditative of thought. I am now a mother. That is the biggest change of my life... I never thought I could love so hard, or I could look at someone's face and be just, saturated with such happiness and affection the feeling approaches euphoria. I even love people more for having experienced the love I hold for my daughter. It's just through an all new level of connection with another human, that I have a new appreciation for the symbiotic nature of our relationship between ourselves and the planet. It's elemental, deep and vibrating... It's energy... I kind of understand the eternal nature of all energy better than I used to. And as of right now, words cannot express what I truly mean by that...
Some writer you are huh? lol
I'll figure out a way to share it soon enough, and maybe it'll manifest itself as my novel or short story...
In any case, I see no reason why everyone on the planet shouldn't experience the same feeling of unending love and sense of connection with the infinite pool of energy and love... Everyone should be able to touch God as I have... their paths to God might be different, but so long as they arrive at God's love and embrace, it doesn't matter...
And the reason why is, well because I never liked taking pictures of myself anyway. Like... EVER.
And it's not about being self conscious or anything, in fact it's quite the opposite. I feel, (for myself, not necessarily for others) that there is nothing more conceited and self serving than taking a bunch of glamor shots of yourself to sprinkle all over the internet social media sites. For some people, pictures are a medium of self expression, others to capture a special moment, for others it's just fun, for ME though it would serve no real purpose other than puffing myself up, because I know myself as a person, and I don't use pictures in that way.
I write for those reasons and purposes... self expression, capturing a moment or emotion, and for fun. Photography, in MY hands has no artistic merit or redeeming values.
Now having said all of that... The fact that I was excruciatingly huge and pregnant last year has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with not having a picture from that time...
Oh hell okay... yeah it does...
So I am normally not a fan of pictures on a good day, could you imagine being all swollen, and angry with child? Would you want to take a picture? Naw, you'd be like, 'Get that camera out of my face before I dragon kick you in the gonads.' (Which I'm pretty sure I said to someone at least once last year.)
As far as how I have changed... god... Again, last year was such an anomaly for me, because I had never been pregnant, and I had never been more evil. My emotional irregularity at that time was so extreme that I was an entirely different person. An AWFUL person. Someone who hated the world, and would see it annihilated by an asteroid or zombie apocalypse and would have sat atop the pile of smoldering rubble with a chocolate bar and a smile.
So how have I changed? I'm totally not that person anymore. I've reverted back to my former, sane self. Before I got pregnant, I used to meditate; and while I haven't gotten back into doing that, I am certainly more meditative of thought. I am now a mother. That is the biggest change of my life... I never thought I could love so hard, or I could look at someone's face and be just, saturated with such happiness and affection the feeling approaches euphoria. I even love people more for having experienced the love I hold for my daughter. It's just through an all new level of connection with another human, that I have a new appreciation for the symbiotic nature of our relationship between ourselves and the planet. It's elemental, deep and vibrating... It's energy... I kind of understand the eternal nature of all energy better than I used to. And as of right now, words cannot express what I truly mean by that...
Some writer you are huh? lol
I'll figure out a way to share it soon enough, and maybe it'll manifest itself as my novel or short story...
In any case, I see no reason why everyone on the planet shouldn't experience the same feeling of unending love and sense of connection with the infinite pool of energy and love... Everyone should be able to touch God as I have... their paths to God might be different, but so long as they arrive at God's love and embrace, it doesn't matter...
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