What if I had never gotten into that car accident and broken my pelvis up? At the time of the accident, I had two high paying jobs, and the very next week I was about to do some "Buko" overtime at the hospital. I was young, I was fresh out of school and ready to rip the medical world a new asshole. But then CRASH SLAM, everything changed, I was out of work for a year and I never returned to work at the doctor's office, and the hospital I was working at was living on borrowed time because of budget issues. I truly wonder what if I had not lost that year? Just how much more connected I would have been? Would I have even moved to North Carolina? I don't know... it's one of those things...
What if I had listened to logic, and listened to finances, and listened to my fears when I found out I was pregnant and decided that bringing a baby into this world was just too frightening an idea to even fathom? I... would have been broken in spirit I think. But, for a while I would have been able to put on a good face. I would deny my heart for a while, and pretend that me and my boyfriend could work it out together, all the while knowing we let something sacred and good, and needed die between the two of us. And we would have drifted apart... This what if, is something that I don't contemplate often, because I don't see a life without this child... She is too good to my soul...
Um... yeah...
What if I never started this blog? I'd be sitting down, watching T.V. eating chips, and not giving a shit about my diet probably. Starting this blog has lead me on this journey of perseverance that I will always be grateful for. not just about writing, but everything... I'm trying to do everything I know is good for myself, finally. And nothing was ever holding me back but myself. I suppose this blog has been, in many ways, like a mirror held up to myself... And now that I've put myself out there like that, I can't turn away from it.
Okay! I'm out now. Wow! 20 days in and I haven't screwed up this challenge. I'm awesome... everyone LOVE ME!
No comments:
Post a Comment